Stuck at Calais at 7AM, in the midst of a hellish 24-hour coach journey, all I and the 40-odd other passengers wanted was some orange juice, a mattress and nothing to do til thursday. Suffering from a weeks worth of sleep deprivation, stodgy Czech cuisine and many moons without having showered or shaved, the last thing we needed was a pirate copy of a loud, obnoxious, jaw-droppingly dire 150-minute Hollywood blockbustertieinspinoffthing. But sure enough, in the lumbering, bloated shape of Transformers II: Revenge of the Fallen, that is what we got.
It speaks volumes about a film when you Shia "Greasepan" LeBouf is the best thing about it. There are just so many things wrong with this film that it makes me nautious even thinking about contemplating entertaining the idea of talking about them all. It is far too long and far too loud. Megan Fox, while obviously only there as eye-candy, cannot act at all - a mop with a face drawn on it would have more personality, charisma and theatrical ability than that pitiful excuse for a human. The robots (particularly the downright moronic pair of '80s b-boy throwbacks Mudflap and Skids) are absolutely fucking atrocious, and the voicing (esp. "British" accents) is just unspeakably bad. The script seems to have been written by a 5 year-old who's recently undergone a lobotomy, with the dialogue clunky and tedious and jarring, not to mention poorly delivered. I would go on, but it's making me so unspeakably angry just thinking about it that I'm going to have to lie down for a bit. I assure you, this is the worst film in years and years and years.
Urgh, icky. Prague was great, thanks for asking. They sell absinthe to 12 year-olds over there, which I thought was quite sweet. While we're on the subject of films, I watched The Warriors the other day, which was fucking A. Hats off to the costume department. I also reviewed quite possibly the best record of the year, I demand you check it out.
Right, off to Devon. They have electricity there, right?
xxxx
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