Roar

Ok, so this morning I came home from college at 10.30. I had to be back in at 2, so I didn't exactly have enough time to, say, accomplish anything. I switched on MTV, and the first thing that comes on is that new Keri Hilson number. It's got two guest stars, as I'm sure you're well aware, and not just any guest stars but Kanye and Ne-Yo. Decadence.
Anyway, Keri does her ting for a bit, then Mr Yo, that sultan of runny-honey r'n'b, has a go. It's all chugging along nicely, and then about halfway through his verse he sings "I used to be commander-in-chief on my pimp-ship flying high". At this point I lold hard, as we all would - partly because I want a pimp-ship, partly because Ne-Yo seems way too saccharine for that shit. I mean, he's the sort of person you'd gladly hire to chat to your mother over bourbons and Earl Grey without it crossing your mind the fact that something untoward might occur. He's certainly no Akon.

This got me thinking (oh God). Mainstream r'n'b, pretty much without exception, is always about shorties. If it's a lovey-dovey number, it's all roses and sponsorship deals; if they're on the prowl, it's gyration and penetration. While this is all good to a point (actually that's not true, there is no point for Kelly and I will never tire of that track, ever), it doesn't really allow for much variation. Unless your rapper friend dies, that is. Then apparently you're allowed to piss all over his legacy.

Basically, I want to see some really intelligent r'n'b. Like, records about Shostakovich and Newton's Laws. After brainstorming earlier with Ellie, I came up with a couple of (lame-ass) titles to kickstart PHD r'n'b;
Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland and Plato - 'Euthyphro's Dilemma'
Paul Simon - 'You Can Call Me Albert Camus'
... that's it. Ok, it's hard. And I know Paul Simon doesn't do r'n'b. Anyone who can come up with better ones wins a feeling of smug self-importance.
But there's clearly room to maneouvre here. Go on, all you budding Jackson's, let's give this (let's face it) slipping genre something to sing about again.

-

In other news, Tim Westwood's having a party tonight. Here're some prime tweets from the build-up;
"Gettin my eat on - then reachin the spot mad early. I'm built for this. This is what I do!"
"they call me Big Sexy - ladies come to the club tonite & see why. I’m the one who’s tall & handsome – the other dj is Goldfinger"
"special lifestyle offer this Thursday only - binge drinkin is cool (only at Ministry of Sound)!"
"woke up mad tired with a headache - thinking I'm gettin swag flu"

You're the 51-year-old greying son of a priest - jam your hype, motherfucker.

xxxx